{{NSFW}}
One fine day on my vacation in Thailand, I was searching for some ฿70 ($2) dakimakura covers with Renge from Non Non Biyori on them, when I discovered in a dark alley an anime DVD shop. It was run by an old man who was wearing nothing but flower panties, and he looked around 80 years old. He said to me: "Hero, you want the anime?" Of course I said yes, and he replied with "I have secret never before seen episode of Azumanga Daioh, I give you for free." I was so excited, I always wanted more Azumanga Daioh, as I got tired of fapping to the same 26 episodes over and over. So I quickly got it and went back to my hotel room to watch it. But before I went, he told me "This owned by dead kid, it cursed." I didn't care, so I watched it on the TV in the hotel room.
The intro started, but the theme song was in a minor key, and all the characters looked sad for some reason. At the end where every character is on screen though, they were all happy (except for Kaorin of course). But a frame before the intro cut out, it looked very different. I still remember that 1/60th of a second in perfect detail even though that isn't humanly possible. All the characters had black eyes, with hyper-realistic blood dripping out of them. The background was a hyper-realistic inferno. However, I thought this was just a glitch, and I kept watching.
It started out with a segment called "Sexy Time", and I knew because I learnt Japanese from Rosetta Stone for like 5 weeks. I thought "What this anime is too pure for shit like that", and I was confused. It started out with Chiyo-chan opening the door to her classroom, only to discover that Yukari-sensei is dead with hyper-realistic blood and guts strewn all over the place. Chiyo-chan started to cry, but in a way that put actual emotion into me, like the voice actor was legitimately crying. Then a dark shadow appeared behind Chiyo-chan as she looked into the classroom. She looked back and screamed as if the voice actor was legitimately scared of something. Then it cut to black.
It then faded into another segment called "I'm Tired" where Yomi was pissed off with how fat she was. But this was very different to the running gag I knew well, as a similar dark shadow appeared and started murmuring to itself, with Yomi being completely unaware. All of a sudden, she pulled out a kitchen knife, and started slicing into her abdomen, with hyper-realistic blood and fat gushing out of her. She was screaming in pain, and after she looked like an anorexic bloody mess, she collapsed. The dark shadow then went to the camera, revealling itself to be EVIL PATRIXXX, and then it cut to black again, before going to the regular credits.
I was pissed off. My dick was softer than it had ever been before, and I wasn't able to masturbate for a whole 3 months because it didn't want to get hard. I've also been having nightmares about EVIL PATRIXXX using a trombone's slide to fuck me in the asshole. So if a 80 year old asian man in panties wants to give you a free Azumanga Daioh lost episode, don't do it.